To the one who wasn’t able to be there on our big day.

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“I love you past the moon; and miss you beyond the stars.” // JmStorm

To the one who wasn’t able to be there on our special day.

As you get older you start to realize not everyone you love is going to live to see all your special milestones.  Some wont make it to your first birthday, first day of school, your first dance, your first heartbreak, your graduation, your first “big girl/boy” job, your wedding, your first house, your first child and so on and so forth.  Its depressing and it hurts but you learn it’s the facts of life.

BUT all I can say was it was never supposed to be you.

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You were suppose to be laughing at all the throw back pictures of us on the slide show Tyler’s parents put together.  You were suppose to be making all the groomsmen laugh while y’all drank a little too much before groomsmen group pictures.   You were suppose to be at the end of the aisle standing by Tyler while dad and mom gave me away.  You were suppose to be the one to make jokes and tell sweet stories during our wedding to make everyone laugh and cry.  You were suppose to pronounce us husband and wife and make gagging sounds when you said he could kiss his bride. You were suppose to dance the night away with me under the stars to a rap song that we knew every word to.  You were suppose to be there encouraging Ty to shove wedding cake in my face and cheer when he did it.  You were also supposed to send us off on our new adventure as husband and wife.

I should be looking through all our wedding pictures and seeing your smiling face, but all I have is a beautiful picture of a cross necklace with your ashes inside.

I remember telling you randomly while we drove down the road that Tyler and I wanted you to marry us.  You were so excited and said you already knew the embarrassing stories you were going to tell.  Who would have thought 3 years later you wouldn’t be standing at the end; that instead a close friend helped us with a special ceremony to honor you so that I could say you were a big part of our special day.  That instead of those embarrassing stories; mom, dad and Mimi present Tyler with a necklace I had yet to wear because it held your ashes and that was to final.  When Tyler put it around my neck that was to symbolize you giving me away, at that moment I broke down.

I realized you weren’t going to be the one to make jokes and tell sweet stories during our wedding to make everyone laugh and cry.  You weren’t going to pronounce us husband and wife. You weren’t going to be dancing the night away with me under the stars to a rap song that we knew every word to.  You weren’t going to be sending us off on our new adventure as husband and wife.  It broke my heart, on the happiest day of my life a tiny piece was missing…..You.

BUT in that same depressing thought I knew you were there, maybe not in person but in spirit.  You were always there; when Tyler picked out my ring, when he proposed at your memorial run, when we got married in the Catholic church and when we got married later that week under the tree.  You made my wedding so special and filled with love without even being there and for that I thank you.

I miss you more than words can say but I know you will always be with me on some of my biggest milestones and achievements throughout my life.  Thank you for showing me the love that has helped me love my husband through my darkest days.

I love you Colabug to the moon and back forever and always ❤

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Photography by: Abigail Thomas @ A Thomas Photography

 

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